The Common People: Knocking On Heavens Door
by J. Lynn
Summary: One woman contemplates her life in the midst of a high speed chase.


**Knocking On Heavens Door  
By J. Lynn**   
  
I rush down the highway in my beat up blue Taurus, at least twenty over the speed limit. I know I'm running away from everything I ever wanted.   
  
A home, a family, a life. But there's no turning back, not for me.   
  
A siren sounds behind me. I glance in my rearview mirror. A frivolous action. After all, who else would they be after?   
  
I turn up the radio to cancel out the blare of the sirens. Gathering up my skirt even more, I push the gas pedal the rest of the way to the floor.   
  
With one hand I attempt to push the billowing, white volumes of material to the side. How ridiculous I must look dawns on me and I find myself laughing aloud. Here I am, a bride with out her groom, leading the police on a high speed chase with only one end in mind. Perhaps it's not that funny, but I laugh none the less.   
  
I force my self to calm down and wipe a way a tear. It wouldn't do to take anyone else with you now would it? Considering my reasons it might be fitting, but I've always believed that a person shouldn't have their choices made for them.   
  
Leaning back in my seat I catch sight of Mark's watch. It's oddly comforting to have a part of him with me, even if he did hate it.   
  
I wipe away another tear when I think about Mark. Not so much because I miss him, but because of my lost chance at happiness.   
  
Reaching down I grab my stomach, seeking to push away the ache.   
  
I always wanted a child.   
  
A little girl to cook with. A boy to hunt tadpoles with. It made no difference.   
  
But I realized I could never have one the day I turned seventeen.   
  
I had known I was different from normal people since I turned eleven. I remember I wandered out into the woods and saw that my favorite peach tree had been killed by the drought. Being the sentimental child I was, I ran to the tree and gave it a parting embrace. As I stood there I felt something stir within me, and, under my hands the tree began to grow.   
  
It was a beautiful moment, one I will treasure forever. I was so glad, so happy that I could do such a wonderful thing. When I told my parents what had happened they made me promise never to tell anyone. Puzzled but still excited, I promised.   
  
I kept my word, and never showed, nor told anyone about my gifts.   
  
But somehow they found out.   
  
During the drought of 84' everything died, on everyone's land. Except for ours.   
  
Some people got upset, and my pa was taken in to the city jail for questioning.   
  
He was killed during the night.   
  
As soon as we heard, Mom and I took of in our old brown pickup and headed for Aunt Marge's.   
  
At Aunt Marge's I learned about all the things my parents had never let me hear about. I learned what a mutant was. I learned that I was a mutant. And I learned that I had killed my father.   
  
I spent several weeks reading every textbook, every newspaper, every medical journal I could find. When I was done I knew that I would never have children.   
  
How could I, in good conscience, bring another mutated child into this world?   
  
How could I, for my own selfish reasons, bring a child into being who would suffer for how it was born?   
  
Could I allow it to go through the pains of ostracism, hatred, torture and possibly death simply because I wanted a child?   
  
I kept my resolutions in mind. Never forgetting about them. Until I met Mark.   
  
I wasnÕt in love, but I was happy. Mark made me laugh, he told me stories with happy endings, with him I was content.   
  
When he asked me to marry him I said yes.   
  
Everything went fine until this morning, when I got a call from my doctor.   
  
I was pregnant.   
  
The ever-present ache in my soul rushed in with a vengeance.   
  
I couldn't give birth to the child, yet knew that I couldn't live with the ache of not having it.   
  
There was only one choice.   
  
I would stay true to my convictions, but avoid living with the emotional consequences.   
  
The sirens grow louder as the cop gains on me, but it doesn't mater. Just ahead, barely a half a mile away, is the drop off. The ocean stretches out towards the horizon, beautiful and soothing.   
  
God, if you're there, please take care of me and my child.   
  
As the car crashes through the flimsy guard rail I wrap my arm around my stomach, doing my own modified version of 'Thelma & Louise'.   
  
I'm sorry you never had a chance to see the ocean baby.   
  
But it's better this way.   
  
I'm doing this for you.   
  
Because I love you.   
  
I've loved you all my life.   
  
I'll love you forever.   
  
End  



End file.
